party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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