where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
