Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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