haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
