You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
