If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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