I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
