real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
