i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
