Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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