i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
