Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
