that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
