Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
