bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
