Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
