@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
