i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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