You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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