we're blogging at a bar
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
