You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
