If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
