How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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