Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
