By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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