I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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