Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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