I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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