i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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