The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
