He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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