Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
