dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
