mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
