OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I will die if light touches me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
