but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize