He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
