just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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