Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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