the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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