I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
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