help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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