I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
