As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
