you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
