i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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