Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
