we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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