Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
