do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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