just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
