does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
