: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
