Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
