She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
